Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Just not long enough...

There are so many things that I've been meaning to ask my grandmother. We're not close, but we have some type of connection, albeit a weak one. I've never had a meaningful conversation with her. I've never asked about my ancestors--the ones that she knew. I never asked her about the woman who my mother and I are named after. I never asked her about my grandfather--about what kind of man he was. I've never seen pictures of her as a young woman. There is so much that I haven't said to her. But she doesn't have much time left. My mother called me this morning and told me that my grandmother had 6 months to live. She has cancer and it's eating her alive. I hate it. We weren't close, but she's my mom's mom and she loved me in her own way. She once asked me to name my daughter, if I were to have one, Hannah--after her mother. I wish I could have fulfilled that one thing she asked of me.

I'm a mess. My grandmother, the woman that is a fast walker, always busy, and quite witty is so weak and I wish her peace and comfort. I love my grandmother in my own way and I feel that now.

Defeat: tr. verb
1. To win victory over; beat
2. To prevent the success of; thwart
3. To make void; annul

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