"Are you registered anywhere?"

Grave
adjective
1. Requiring serious thought; momentous: a grave decision in a time of crisis.
2. Fraught with danger or harm: a grave wound.
3. Dignified and somber in conduct or character: a grave procession.
4. Somber or dark in hue.

Classroom and teacher assignments arrived in the mail today. Accordingly, I promptly checked the state registry to make sure my son's new teacher isn't an ex-con. Don't all parents do this?

Then I searched the registry for every person I've ever known.

One person I do not know personally, but who did make the registry, and who shares the surname of a good friend of mine (who has no convictions), has the first name of...

Squirrel

Which is a different sort of crime entirely.