I feel like Methuselah

BELOIT COLLEGE'S CLASS OF 2007 MINDSET LIST

1. Ricky Nelson, Richard Burton, Samantha Smith, Laura Ashley, Orson Welles, Karen Ann Quinlan, Benigno Aquino, and the U.S. Football League have always been dead.

2. They are not familiar with the source of that “Giant Sucking Sound.”

3. Iraq has always been a problem.

4. “Ctrl + Alt + Del” is as basic as “ABC.”

5. Paul Newman has always made salad dressing.

6. Pete Rose has always been a gambler.

7. Bert and Ernie are old enough to be their parents.

8. An automatic is a weapon, not a transmission.

9. Russian leaders have always looked like leaders everyplace else.

10. The snail darter has never been endangered.

11. There has always been a screening test for AIDS.

12. Gas has always been unleaded

13. They never heard Howard Cosell call a game on ABC.

14. The United States has always had a Poet Laureate

15. Garrison Keillor has always been live on public radio and Lawrence Welk has always been dead on public television.

16. Their families drove SUVs without “being fuelish.”

17. There has always been some association between fried eggs and your brain.

18. They would never leave their calling card on someone’s desk.

19. They have never been able to find the “return” key.

20. Computers have always fit in their backpacks.

21. Datsuns have never been made.

22. They have never gotten excited over a telegram, a long distance call, or a fax.

23. The Osmonds are just talk show hosts.

24. Undergraduate college athletes have always been a part of the NBA and NFL draft.

25. They have always “grazed” for food.

26. Three-point shots from “downtown” have always been a part of basketball.

27. Test tube babies are now having their own babies.

28. Stores have always had scanners at the checkout.

29. The Army has always driven Humvees.

30. Adam and PC Junior computers had vanished from the market before this

generation went online.

31. The Statue of Liberty has always had a gleaming torch.

32. They have always had a PIN number.

33. Banana Republic has always been a store, not a puppet government in Latin America.

34. Car detailing has always been available

35. Directory assistance has never been free.

36. The Jaycees have always welcomed women as members

37. There has always been Lean Cuisine.

38. They have always been able to fly Virgin Atlantic.

39. There have never been dress codes in restaurants.

40. Doctors have always had to deal with “reasonable and customary fees” and patients have always had controls placed on the number of days they could stay in a hospital.

41. They have always been able to make photocopies at home.

42. Michael Eisner has always been in charge of Disney.

43. They have always been able to make phone calls from planes.

44. Yuppies are almost as old as hippies.

45. Rupert Murdoch has always been an American citizen.

46. Strawberry Fields has always been in New York.

47. Rock and Roll has always been a force for social good.

48. Killer bees have always been swarming in the U.S.

49. They have never seen a First Lady in a fur coat.

50. Don Imus has always been offending someone in his national audience.

© 2003 Beloit College, Beloit, Wisconsin.

Methuselah

(Old Testament) a patriarch (grandfather of Noah) who is said to have lived 969 years.

I've highlighted the ones that make me feel especially old and decrepit.