I don't care if your license is taped to the wall

I just realized I'm bitter towards hairstylists.
I have a couple of friends who are stylists, but I don't ask them to do my hair. That would ruin our friendship. (just like I think cheerleading is the stupidest thing in the world but I don't tell that to my ex-cheer friends)
I've never had a stylist who wasn't either condescending or incompetent. It's really bad when s/he is both.
Hence, I do my own hair. A few times in the past 10 years, I've gone to salons to do major work like make my dyed brown hair blonde or fill in the blonde with brown. But I've never been pleased with the experience. Even for my wedding I had a disaster the day before putting my trust in a stylist. My photographer's wife did a better job, an hour before the ceremony.
I assume most people don't care, like most people don't care if their doctor is respectful or remembers their name, but I do.

I trust no one with my

coif (koif)
n.
(also kwäf) A coiffure. To arrange or dress (the hair).

"coif." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 17 May. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/coif