And not the good kind, like a belt or a scarf, either

At approximately 7:30 pm, I stepped inside the kitchen from the backyard. I carried the dirty dinner dishes, dinner having been eaten on the backyard terrace, as the evening was beautiful.

At approximately 7:31 pm, I heard the distinctive sound of glass breaking. This sound seemed to come from the backyard.

At approximately 7:31 and 5 seconds pm, I reentered the backyard via the kitchen door and found Subject A and Subject B looking down into a window well housing a basement window. I observed that the window at the bottom of the window well was broken. Furthermore, I observed a brick in the window well.

At approximately 7:32 pm, Subject A, a.k.a. "the oldest", spontaneously declared that Subject B, a.k.a. "the youngest", was responsible, saying QUOTE He broke it! Are you going to kill him? ENDQUOTE

Under further questioning, and after being reminded of the penalty for perjury lying, Subject A admitted having provided Subject B with the brick while Subject B was standing at the edge of the window well looking down. However, Subject A testified he was not present at the time Subject B actually threw the brick, having decided to take a few steps away in an effort to dodge culpability.

Subsequently, both Subject A and Subject B were found guilty of Crimes Against Mommanity and sentenced to death immediate bed with lights out.

accessory
noun
(Law)
1. One who incites, aids, or abets a lawbreaker in the commission of a crime but is not present at the time of the crime. Also called accessory before the fact.
2. One who aids a criminal after the commission of a crime, but was not present at the time of the crime. Also called accessory after the fact.
"accessory." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 16 Apr. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/accessory

BOGOHO

BOGOHO = Buy One, Get One Half Off

(second pair 50% off)

That's the promotion at the show store where I have taken the oldest to get a new pair of sneakers, which is the word I will use for that type of shoe until the day I die.

The oldest eyes some Vans just like his father's. We measure his feet and find that yes, they have the Vans in stock in his size.

But there isn't a second pair of shoes in his size that he likes. Fine, I could use some new shoes, too. I eye sandals, wedges, flats, pumps, mules, working my way back through the women's section toward the sneakers.

When we leave a few minutes later, each of us carries a bag containing our new pair of Vans. The oldest's? Light brown. Mine? Bubblegum pink.

In the backseat of the car, as he buckles his seatbelt, the oldest makes eye contact with me in the rearview mirror, nods approvingly, and declares me

hep
adjective, slang: variant of hip
1. Keenly aware of or knowledgeable about the latest trends or developments.
2. Very fashionable or stylish.
"hip." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 14 Apr. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/hip

The Day in Visual Abominations

The Washington Post's The Day in Photos for April 12th has a content warning on it, which means at least one photo is potentially offensive for being particularly graphic or violent.

The Day in Photos

I was fine until I got to photo number 24, which is, indeed

horrific
adjective
Causing horror; terrifying.
[Latin horrificus : horrēre, to tremble + -ficus, -fic.]
"horrific." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 13 Apr. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/horrific

(begin dramatic music here)

I'm channel-flipping last night, looking for something to watch while on the treadmill, as I've seen the rerun of Law & Order already. I hit channel down toward the networks, landing ever so briefly on CSI: Miami. I'm just in time to watch some goofy-looking guy, dressed as if doubling for an orange pushup cone, say to some buxom blonde (also in orange), "This is serious. You could end up losing your life." To which the blonde replied something like, "But if I don't, I could end up losing my career!"

And in the nanosecond before I hit the button to continue channel-surfing, it occurred to me: I have never, ever had someone warn me that I could lose my life /my career / it all / insert something tremendous here. And I have never issued such a warning myself.

Thank goodness. I'm not sure I could handle the resulting

adrenaline
noun
A hormone secreted by the adrenal glands that helps the body meet physical or emotional stress. Adrenaline plays a very large role in the fight or flight reaction, which refers to the various processes that occur within the body when it is confronted with some form of mental or physical stress.
"adrenaline." The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2002. Answers.com 12 Apr. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/adrenaline

Get outta here!

When I got to my son's school this morning and finished signing him in, one of his teachers came up to me and said "Did he tell you what happened on Friday?" and I said "No... What happened on Friday?"

She goes on to tell me that my sweet, intelligent, mathematically-gifted baby boy has spit on someone. ACK! Say it ain't so! So, I'm standing there mortified and very upset at the same time. I turned to my son and asked him why he made no mention of it and he already had the "Uh oh! The gig's up!" face on. I had him apologize to the teachers and I did the same. The teacher said she gave him a time-out, but he seemed very unimpressed with it. Little does she know that time-out doesn't impress him unless it's about 30 minutes long! So, I told him that he was going to need to apologize again today to the little girl. He did, while the teacher supervised.

When the teacher was telling me about my son's misbehavior, it was as if the world stopped. Surprisingly, I handled it well. This was our first instance of misbehavior, even the teacher said it was very out of character for him, and while I'm grateful and thankful for that, it still doesn't negate the fact that I wanted to run out of that classroom and hide under my minivan!

Skedaddle: Run away; scram; leave in a hurry; escape.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ske1.htm

Unmasked, Unmanned, Unmade

It appears the tech nerds at Sprint have finally shone a light into my little dark, protected corner. For three years or so I've used a Sprint cell phone via a bluetooth connection to surf with this laptop. It has been my sole means of connecting, and, though slow, it works virtually everywhere I fly around the lower 48.

The other night I pulled everything out of my bag in Rockford, IL, and my trusty connection refused to work. As I had done several hundred times before, I dumped everything and re-established the bluetooth connection, and all appeared well. But the Sprint network refused to come the rest of the way.

Only a week before we had finally got DSL & a wifi router in the house, and so I naturally assumed that something had been screwed up by that. But then I was approached by two other pilots who use the same Sprint connection protocol and they told me that THEIRS had suddenly stopped working as well.

I guess Sprint finally decided they were tired of giving us free what they've recently begun to charge some $60 a month for (using a special, intended-for-the-purpose phone).

But it leaves me

Hogtied.

hog·tie or hog-tie (hôg'tī', hŏg'-)
tr.v., -tied, -tie·ing or -ty·ing, -ties.
To tie together the feet or legs of.
Informal. To impede or disrupt in movement or action. See synonyms at hamper.

So until I come up with an alternative means of connecting--in every town I visit during my workweek--there'll be much less posting from wunelle. Or rather, I'll end up writing a bunch of stuff off-line and then every third day posting in a flurry.

Ah well, adapt or perish!