How are you?

My father's been in intensive care for 25 days now. Friends and family call me, asking if they can do anything to help. They can't. Then they ask how I am. They're concerned.

I know I sound flat. It's my way of getting through things: I don't allow myself to think. I'll crash physically and emotionally when this is all over, but for now I am completely on

autopilot
also automatic pilot
noun
1. A navigation mechanism, as on an aircraft, that automatically maintains a preset course. Also called robot pilot.
2. A state of mind in which one acts without deliberate effort or self-awareness.
"automatic pilot." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 29 Jul. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/autopilot

How cute!

Not. Behold Bling Bling Barbie. Yes, her bellybutton has jewelry in it. Yes, she appears to be wearing athletic socks under her boots. And yes, she has on faux fur sleeves, seemingly unattached to her... her... blouse? Do we even call that a blouse?

My Scene Bling Bling Barbie is for ages 3 and up, according to manufacturer info provided to Amazon.com. Yes, you read that correctly. Three. 1-2-3.

reckless
adjective
1. Heedless or careless.
2. Headstrong; rash.
3. Indifferent to or disregardful of consequences.
[Middle English reckeles, from Old English rēcelēas.]
"reckless." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 27 Jul. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/reckless

I've never wanted to post a definition on this blog more than this one

Yesterday we spent a sweltering afternoon with my extended in-laws. One uncle in law said his wife didn't come because one of her rabbits died and she was in mourning. Two of his other uncles immediately chimed in
"Oh the rabbit's dead?! So you're pregnant?!"

We, at least all of us under 50, said "what?! He said her rabbit died!"

And they said "yeah you killed the rabbit."

kill the rabbit
1. (obsolete) (idiomatic): To get a positive test result from an old-fashioned pregnancy test.
Etymology
Before the days of instant pregnancy test, a woman's sample was injected into a rabbit. There were several varieties of tests; one alegedly would kill the rabbit if the pregnancy hormone was present in the sample (most accounts indicate the rabbit was killed and disected either way.)

(And no, she wasn't pregnant, but the rabbit really was dead.)

I'll save you

The best thing about having children is no matter how down or tense you are, somehow children are able to completely ignore it and you and carry on with the business of being children. Such is the existance of Super-Duckie-Stroller-Boy, as the youngest calls himself. From boots to cape to facial expression, he is only concerned with being

spectacular
adjective
Suggesting drama or a stage performance, as in emotionality or suspense.
"spectacular." Roget's II: The New Thesaurus, Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 1995. Answers.com 25 Jul. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/spectacular

"I'll have a heart attack on a plate, please"

The Hamdog is a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty that is deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions, and served on a hoagie bun topped with a fried egg.
"Hamdog." Wikipedia. Wikipedia, 2005. Answers.com 23 Jul. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/hamdog

Just the thought of that makes me want to

toss my cookies
idiom
Vomit. This slangy euphemism dates from the first half of the 1900s.
"toss one's cookies." The American Heritage® Dictionary of Idioms. Houghton Mifflin Company, 1992. Answers.com 23 Jul. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/toss-one-s-cookies