Sweet mother of...

When you first see it, plopped down on a paper plate in all its caloric bliss, the round, doughy treat is so appealing, so alluring it's hard to believe this wondrous sight can cause anything but delight.

But fry bread, that fluffy concoction American Indian women lovingly make in their kitchens and people line up for at powwows and western fairs, has come under attack as a hazard to health.

-snip-

"It's like a craving you get for it, the aroma of it. You have to try to keep yourself from it," she said, taking a break from serving the lunch crowd.

To say fry bread is tasty isn't doing it justice. It's scrumptious, sweet, and puts a crazy spell on anyone who craves it.

But it's loaded with pesky calories _ at least 700 for one paper-plate size piece _ plus a whopping 27 grams of fat, according to a nutritional analysis by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

-snip-

In Phoenix, there is the popular Fry Bread House restaurant, where you can get fry bread pretty much anyway you want. The most sinful? Fry bread topped with gooey chocolate syrup and oozing with butter.

Why have I never heard of, much less tasted, this?

Fry Bread
noun, Native American
Flat discs of dough that are deep-fried and topped with honey or refried beans; usually found in Arizona and New Mexico.

Okay, now spell it...

It bugs me a little when people mispronounce words. I do it from time to time and yup, I annoy myself.

Maybe you can tell me what "aks" means because if it means what I think it means, your grown ass should be tortured for saying it that way. Would you like to ask me something or hack me into bits? Huh? Make up your dang mind. Have a question? It's ASK mutha$#@!*&!!!!

Beautiful fall we're having, right? All this great FOLEAGE. Okay, wait. I know you didn't just say FOLEAGE! It's not even spelled that way. It's FOliage. That's not hard. If you can't say that, say leaves ya crackhead!

Who hates the Klu Klux Klan? Show of hands... if you're raising your hand, you hate some imaginary folks, people. You're an ass if you don't know who to loathe--it's the KU Klux Klan. They're stupid and I despise them. Yeah, those haters have to be different, but clearly, not rational...

Say what now? A pitcher? Of what? Sweet tea, lemonade? Kool-Aid is my fave... Red for me. Ooooh! You want to take a PICture... right. Okay, well say what you mean. Ya see... my understanding of a pitcher is something I store my lemonade and my sweet tea in. I'm sorry I didn't understand what the hell your dumb ass was saying. :o) Forgive me....

I'm going as fast as I can--Starbucks is right around the corner man! Ohhhh, you mean ESpresso. I'm thinking you mean for me to step on it and your espanol is all jacked up. I knew we took those classes together in high school, but you were always sleep and/or cheating. It's ESpresso. Not EXpresso. Don't you know that crap will kill you? Will you get me a tall... thanks!

There are some thing that I just can't say.... like nutrition, for example. I can write it and I can say it syllabically, but if you ask me to say it all together in a sentence, I fail. I think I need speech therapy...

The one and only

Garth Brooks, one of the most successful recording artists of all time, won't be selling his CDs just anywhere any longer. If you want a Brooks album, you'll soon have to go through Wal-Mart.

In an arrangement that advances a recording-industry trend, Brooks has agreed to sell his work exclusively through Wal-Mart, its Web site and Sam's Clubs, the Wal-Mart-owned chain of warehouse stores.

cheerio
noun or interjection

chiefly British
a farewell remark; a parting.

I'm fairly certain you can find many of his shirts at Wal-Mart as well.

"Momma, I no happy."

I've just been told this by a very small boy with a very small moue. The situation was quickly remedied with a hug, a quick cuddle, and a new can of Play-Doh.

moue
noun
A small grimace; a pout.

CA Redemption Value

On my errands today I approached a red light and left a larger than usual space in front of my car because of the tanker truck that was already stopped. It was deep green and had a large white recycle symbol on the back. I thought, "what liquid could be recyclable?...oh no, could it be--"

tal·low
n.
1. Hard fat obtained from parts of the bodies of cattle, sheep, or horses, and used in foodstuffs or to make candles, leather dressing, soap, and lubricants.

Yes, San Jose Tallow Company, the name became clear as I finally stopped the car and fearfully took a breath. The smell was like I had a big deep fryer sitting shotgun. Tallow collecting, I guess someone's gotta do it.

Debit or Credit?

I'm in need of a killer pair of jeans and some nice shoes. Some may not think much of finding the "perfect" pair of jeans, but I do. I haven't had a perfect pair of jeans since I was a size 2. Now that a size 2 is a couple (or really a few haha!) sizes away, I've found out just how hard it is to get something that fits my shape well. Currently, I'm shaped like a potato... with legs and a 'fro. *sigh*

Given the opportunity, I'd go on a shopping extravaganza with my girlfriends. A shopping excursion not for the weak or the easily swayed. I want to spend hours looking for shoes, bags, jeans, and blouses (yes, blouses... I like fancy blouses with jeans!)--even if I come out of the whole hunt with just ONE outfit, at least the outfit would fit me perfectly.

I have fun shopping, but it never really is therapy. In a couple months, it will be a form of therapy. The girls and I are going shopping, b'yotch and we're going to look flab... er, FABulous when we're done! Have to find a hotel with a spa for R05 (secret snooty code, if I told you what it meant, I'd have to smack the hell outta you--hey, I'm not a killa). SNOOTIES UNITE!

Retail therapy: (noun) shopping as a leisure activity or comfort

That's P-O-C-O...

I have a devil of a time trying to explain myself sometimes. So I am always oddly relieved when I run across a passage in a book that I can point to and say, "There! That! That's how I feel!"

Like this passage from David Sedaris' Barrel Fever -

I, personally, do not care one way or the other. I don't wish her the worst, nor do I wish her the best. I don't wish her period. Her very existence is a mistake, but it is not my mistake, so I'd rather not waste my time thinking about it.

pococurante
adjective
Indifferent; apathetic; nonchalant.

Lula is real! Lula is real!

From this article about a female bounty hunter in Fayetteville, North Cackalacky:

She carries mace, a 9 mm Glock handgun, handcuffs and a Fugitive Recovery Agent badge.

"We've never had to pull our guns. You always have to come prepared," she says.

Denice Williams tends to attract attention - probably because of her long Day-Glo orange fingernails.

Some of the nails are pierced with rings and others are decorated. One is painted with Sylvester the cat; another with a tiny pair of handcuffs and a gun.

meretricious
adjective
1. Attracting attention in a vulgar manner.
2. Plausible but false or insincere; specious.
3. Of or relating to prostitutes or prostitution.

"We praise you, Lord iPod..."

Quotes from yet another Washington Post story

"It becomes an extension of you. It's like a window to your soul."
- Jason Berkowitz, iPod owner

"The iPod is a very powerful identity technology."
- Sherry Turkle, director of the Initiative on Technology and the Self at MIT

cult
noun
1. A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader; the followers of such a religion or sect.
2. A system or community of religious worship and ritual.
3. The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual.
4. A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease.
5. Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing; The object of such devotion.
6. An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest.

I'm a fine one to talk. I belong to the Dyson cult.

Pants on fire

From a Washington Post article: "Last week President Mamadou Tandja told BBC Radio, "the people of Niger look well-fed, as you can see."

REALLY? Are you quite sure?
(WARNING: graphic images of children dying of malnutrition)

liar
noun
One who tells lies: fabricator, fabulist, falsifier, fibber, prevaricator. Informal storyteller. Law perjurer.

"Charlie, reporting for fabulizing duty"

Please feast your eyes upon what our Charlie has done to a formerly nauseating baby bouncy seat.

flair
noun
1. A natural talent or aptitude; a knack.
2. Instinctive discernment; keenness..
3. Distinctive elegance or style.

Damned if Charlie doesn't meet all three.

Thank YOU, Georgia

Quotes from this article:
ALBANY, Ga. -- The only woman ever executed in Georgia's electric chair is being granted a posthumous pardon, 60 years after the black maid was put to death for killing a white man she claimed held her in slavery and threatened her life.

~~~snip~~~

The board did not find Baker innocent of the crime, Lipscomb said. Members instead found the decision to deny her clemency in 1945 "was a grievous error, as this case called out for mercy," Lipscomb said.

Baker was sentenced to die following a one-day trial before an all-white, all-male jury in Georgia.

~~~snip~~~

During her brief trial, Baker testified that E.B. Knight, a man she had been hired to care for, held her against her will in a grist mill and threatened to shoot her if she tried to leave. She said she grabbed Knight's gun and shot him when he raised a metal bar to strike her.

behindhand
adjective
1. Being in arrears.
2. Being behind time; overdue.

Bowl me over!

Excerpt from this article:
MILWAUKEE -- Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan said Mexican President Vicente Fox was right to say that Mexican immigrants take jobs "that not even blacks want."

Although Fox was sharply criticized for his remarks by some black leaders, Farrakhan said Sunday that blacks do not want to go to farms and pick fruit because they already "picked enough cotton."

"Why are you so foolishly sensitive when somebody is telling you the truth?" he asked the crowd at Mercy Memorial Baptist Church. He said blacks and Latinos should form an alliance to correct differences and animosity between the two communities.

That isn't the reaction I would have expected. I absolutely agree with the last sentence.

flabbergast
verb
To overwhelm with surprise, wonder, or bewilderment: boggle, bowl over, dumbfound, floor, stagger.

What shall I expect for our Octennial?

Traditional Wedding Anniversary Gifts
1st Paper
2nd Cotton
3rd Leather
4th Linen
5th Wood
6th Iron
7th Wool
8th Bronze
9th Pottery
10th Tin
11th Steel
12th Silk
13th Lace
14th Ivory
15th Crystal

20th China
25th Silver
30th Pearl
35th Coral
40th Ruby
45th Sapphire
50th Gold
55th Emerald
60th Diamond
75th Alabaster
80th Oak
compiled by the Chicago Public Library and Answers.com

The fourteenth and thirty-fifth I personally would forego and urge others to, but otherwise I find them utterly charming.

numerical (Latin-derived) names
Triennial - 3 years
Quadrennial - 4 years
Quinquennial - 5 years
Sexennial - 6 years
Septennial - 7 years
Octennial - 8 years
Novennial - 9 years
Decennial - 10 years
Vigennial - 20 years
Semicentennial - 50 years
Demisesquicentennial - 75 years
Centennial - 100 years
Quasquicentennial - 125 years
Sesquicentennial - 150 years
Terquasquicentennial - 175 years
Bicentennial - 200 years
Tercentennial or tricentennial - 300 years
Quadricentennial - 400 years
Quincentennial - 500 years
Sexacentennial - 600 years
Septuacentennial - 700 years
Octocentennial - 800 years
Nonacentennial - 900 years
Millennial - 1000 years
Bimillennial - 2000 years

Our local paper has couples who're celebrating their Demisesquicentennial anniversaries every now and then.