Tools on the Calendar

The oldest is home sick from school today. He was fine yesterday. He was fine last night when I left for the Scrabble fundraiser. He looked fine when I peeked in on him when we got home late last night. But this morning, upon waking up, he informed me his throat was sore and he felt awful. His eyes are red. His glands are swollen.

We had plans for today. I had errands to run this morning, the oldest had a friend coming home with him after school, and the entire family had plans to go out this evening. But an unexpected virus has thwarted all that.

throw a monkey wrench into
idiom
Sabotage or frustrate a project or plans. This transfer of industrial sabotage—that is, throwing a tool inside machinery—to other subjects dates from the early 1900s.
"throw a monkey wrench into." The American Heritage® Dictionary of Idioms. Houghton Mifflin Company, 1992. Answers.com 19 May. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/throw-a-monkey-wrench-into

Grocery Snobbery?

On certain items, I buy specific name brands at the grocery, and I have no intention of changing. My paper towels are Viva, my cleaner of choice is Windex with vinegar, and my hot dogs are Ballpark. On other items, I am willing to buy another brand if it is on sale; bread, pasta, and pretzels fall into this category. And on still other items, I buy the store brand. Flour is flour, rice is rice, and sugar is sugar.

Soda is one of those items that falls into the "specific name brand" category for me. The name brand on which I insist is Tab.

Clearly this is not true for everyone, however.

Mountain Roar instead of Mountain Dew? Twice Up instead of Seven Up? When store brands are named thusly, they come across as

knockoffs
plural noun, informal
Unauthorized copies or imitations, as of designer clothing.
"knockoff." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 18 May. 2006.

Holy Roly Poly

I'm going to look like a roly-poly if I don't put down this spoon.

pill bug
noun
A small terrestrial isopod crustacean of the genus Armadillidium closely related to the sow bug and having a convex, segmented, flexible body enabling it to curl into a ball when disturbed. In this sense also called roly-poly.

When I bought the new Breyer's Double Churned Extra Creamy Vanilla ice cream for the youngest, I had no way of knowing it would be heaven on a spoon. I had no way of knowing it would taste exactly like frozen whipped cream and have the same smoothness. I scoff at the "serving size" of half a cup. Puh-leeze.

decadent
adjective
1. Being in a state of decline or decay.
2. Marked by or providing unrestrained gratification; self-indulgent.
"decadent." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 17 May. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/decadent

I don't care if your license is taped to the wall

I just realized I'm bitter towards hairstylists.
I have a couple of friends who are stylists, but I don't ask them to do my hair. That would ruin our friendship. (just like I think cheerleading is the stupidest thing in the world but I don't tell that to my ex-cheer friends)
I've never had a stylist who wasn't either condescending or incompetent. It's really bad when s/he is both.
Hence, I do my own hair. A few times in the past 10 years, I've gone to salons to do major work like make my dyed brown hair blonde or fill in the blonde with brown. But I've never been pleased with the experience. Even for my wedding I had a disaster the day before putting my trust in a stylist. My photographer's wife did a better job, an hour before the ceremony.
I assume most people don't care, like most people don't care if their doctor is respectful or remembers their name, but I do.

I trust no one with my

coif (koif)
n.
(also kwäf) A coiffure. To arrange or dress (the hair).

"coif." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 17 May. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/coif

must... stay... awake...

It's graduation time again, and I've dodged every bullet not been invited to one yet this year that my schedule could accomodate. It's not so much the concept of graduation that is the problem; it's the ceremonies themselves.

Inevitably, I find myself fighting sleep from the moment the first speaker hits the stage through the recitation of the graduates' names. I try to think about other things to dodge drowsiness. I pinch myself. I make my eyes go wide open. But without fail, I will catch sight of someone else yawning and BOOM! I'm yawning, too. Repeatedly.

And then people look offended that I don't find their child's graduation the most fascinating event ever. And I feel awful and sorry but mostly sleepy. Really, really sleepy.

oscitancy
noun
1. The act of yawning.
2. The state of being drowsy or inattentive; dullness.
[From oscitant, yawning, from Latin ōscitāns, ōscitant-, present participle of ōscitāre, to yawn : ōs, mouth + citāre, to move.]
"oscitancy." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. Answers.com 15 May. 2006. http://www.answers.com/topic/oscitancy